Have you ever felt so confused on what the next step to life was?

I suppose I was under the assumption that life would just lead me to where ever I was suppose to go.. like a current that you thought would lead you to your destination. Well, what do you do when that current just stops and you’re in the middle of the freakin’ ocean?

Interestingly enough, in my current situation, my emotions have gone through a roller coaster for the past year and it’ll probably still be like that for a while. Fortunately I’m at the point where I (think? I) may actually be enjoying the wild and weird turns. At first, it was uncomfortable.. as in the “I’m scared, sad, boo-hoo, crying myself to sleep” kind of uncomfortable. Now it’s gotten less scarier and less tears happen.

So here I am, taking these baby steps into this journey of my very own. Not 100% sure of what it is I’m suppose to do but hopefully I will and I would like to document my journey along the way. I also would like to share very personal tidbits about myself and stuff I’ve learned or experienced. I feel that because it’s a personal journey, not everyone will have the same experiences but it also shows that we could possibly share an experience and it’s what connects us. Now why on earth am I starting something like this?

So, small detail about me. I began therapy almost about a year ago, back in 2018. It was post break up 7 months before starting therapy, and I was still grieving over that broken relationship. Plus, I became aware of how depressed I was feeling at the fact that majority of my friends were either not local anymore, not single, or I felt generally disconnected with them because I had not either seen, or heard from them. Which resulted to phone calls/texts feeling less genuine and automated and it didn’t feel like I was connecting to a person anymore. I wasn’t myself anymore.

That’s how long it took me to accept the fact that I needed help.. emotionally and mentally. Along with the therapy, I would listen to podcasts, videos, or read all sorts of “self-help” books or articles and it felt that it still wasn’t enough for me to “move on.”

I do want to share that if you are having trouble with the whole “moving on,” process, just know that it’s okay to feel like that. If it starts to feel overwhelming and you need an unbiased opinion, start with looking for help. I pretty much Googled “therapist near me” and looked for one that specialized in what I needed, what I could afford. Called the number, made an appointment and went from there. I’ll probably write it more in a later post but just know that the whole moving on idea isn’t always as easy as it sounds and I would like to share my experience with that.

Alas, here I am! Broken, but still good. Less jaded and learning to become more open-minded than I was before. I have a lot to catch up on, especially with the food shares, and happenings in life.. I just need a place to share myself. I’m learning to put myself out there and see what comes back in return.

Thanks again for reading.

K10